Five-Phrase Friday (40): Subversive Farewell

Caveat/Warning/Disclaimer/Note: This post is not for the faint of heart, i.e., the wimps. Explicit language included. Proceed with caution and discretion. Or don’t proceed, of course. It’s your choice. Choose wisely. Wise choices are good. I commend those who choose them. This might be you. Bravo, discerning consumer. Pat yourself on the back, but maybe wait until after you read. Rewards are best postponed until after a goal is reached or task completed. That way, you actually get stuff done.

For the foreseeable future (not sure what that is), this is my final set of five phrases for Friday as I transition into other projects. If you missed some or all of the other 39, just search my blog by “Friday,” and they should all come up. They are also collected in their own menu section on the home page.

This post is dedicated to my husband since the topic was his suggestion last year. Disclaimer: We both like cats just fine, he probably more so than me, so this is all in jest. See also the additional disclaimer below the list.

For those of us with a preference for dogs over cats, and who enjoy jokes about how cats are the Devil’s minions, here are five ways to skin a cat, including method and evaluation:

  1. After anaesthetic — most humane
  2. Using a serrated blade — most efficient
  3. Shark Week, anyone? — most entertaining
  4. With its own claws — most creative
  5. Tail first — most challenging

Further disclaimer: Neither my husband nor I endorses the act of literally skinning animals of any species unless done respectfully, after the animal is confirmed dead, and for food, fuel, or other means of survival and sustaining life. We begrudge no farmer, distributor, or butcher his or her profits, and we won’t be joining PETA, but we also love animals in a peaceful, affectionate way without violence or intent to harm or inflict pain or death. We find them cute and funny and sweet, we like to laugh at them, and make fun of them, sometimes tease them (though not excessively), and also tickle them. We encourage this sort of relationship with animals. In other words, if we catch you neglecting, overtly abusing, or otherwise being cavalier with the health, well-being, or life of a domestic or wild animal, you will be shot on sight (with a camera) and reported to the proper authorities, you sick bastard. Cat skinning is for figurative expression only, as a reminder of the wonderful innovations and problem-solving skills of humanity–and its animal companions.

A note for the weekend: If you’ll be enjoying barbecue over the 4th of July holiday (whether in patriotism or mere coincidence as a non-American), make sure it’s not cat, horse, or especially dog meat. Wild, farmed, or displaced–but non-threatened or endangered–pigs, cows, sheep, goats, lambs, calves, birds, shellfish, fish, nematodes, turtles, snakes, frogs, insects, bugs, vegetables, legumes, grains, eggs, cheese, and fruit will serve. (Good luck figuring out how to barbecue all that.) Also, don’t eat people. If you’re vegetarian, vegan, or fruitarian and any of these statements offend you, I don’t care. Lighten up.

Also, please spay and neuter your cats (even if you don’t like to see them as being yours; understandable, but no wily disownership now). And protect your dogs (all dogs) from dehydration, vehicle traffic, long toenails, pest infestations, toads, holiday costumes, gratuitous bathing, and those scary fireworks, and kids, and cats.

Happy Independence Day. Freiheit!

Five-Phrase Friday (39): Cicada Culture

Five fun facts about cicadas, our 17-year visitors. Content borrowed from Cicada Mania.

  1. Five eyes: “two large, obvious, compound [red] eyes and three ocelli. . . . [black] jewel-like eyes” between the large ones. Ocelli is Latin for “little eyes.”
  2. Mistaken attraction: “Cicadas think the sounds made by power tools and lawn maintenance equipment are made by cicadas. They get confused and will land on the people using the equipment! Pro-tip: cut your lawn in the early morning or near dusk when the cicadas are less active.”
  3. Five tasty ways to eat cicadas: cicada kabobs, lemon cicada, cicada salad, cicada and potatoes, cicada burger
  4. “Honey dew” or “cicada rain”: Yes, that’s cicada pee, from drinking tree fluids.
  5. Cicada math: “Scientist speculate that one reason why these cicadas emerge in 17 or 13 year cycles is because those are prime numbers. The fact that 13 & 17 are relatively large prime numbers makes it difficult for predators to synchronize with them,” evolutionarily speaking. A calculated game of survival.

To learn more–the other 12 (17 total) fun facts featured, plus other resources–visit Cicada Mania.

Psst . . . locusts are not cicadas, and cicadas are not locusts. They even look very different. Locusts are similar in appearance to grasshoppers. To me, cicadas look more like overgrown flies. . . . Sorry.

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Cicada – Image credit: Cicada Invasion via duckduckgo.com

 

Five-Phrase Friday (38): Scotland

So here’s the state of the art on my painstaking vacation planning. Gee, I thought vacation was supposed to be fun. . . . Huh.

Despite (or because of) all the great things to see, despite my fondness for Shakespeare and English literature, and despite a long process of selecting favorite English regions, cities, and sights, England, let alone London, has not made the cut.

Scotland is now our sole target country for this first dedicated family trip of some length.

I feel kind of foolish because I’m not Scottish and neither is my husband. It feels illegitimate somehow, like we’re imposters or something. Since we aren’t going to an extremely different climate and culture as would be the case on an African safari or in other seemingly more exotic locales like the Tropics or Tokyo or Tasmania, I feel compelled to be very selective about the part of Europe we explore together. It feels as if we should have some personal connection, relatives, work purpose, or people we know there.

He’s Slovenian (Italian-ate) and Latvian; I’m Irish, English, German, and Dutch. I travelled France, Italy, Switzerland, Austria, and the Netherlands (where some known cousins live) almost 20 years ago during college, and he’s been to the United Arab Emirates, Turkey, and France on business. I speak French; he speaks (a little) German, understands some French.

So why Scotland?

It’s really all down to Outlander and my obsession therewith. Through the journey of the story, Scotland has become personal. Scottish Gaelic is even becoming my third language. Visiting does seem full of purpose. I feel as though I do know the people, at least more than I did before my deep and abiding interest in the book and TV series set there.

No apologies, no excuses, no misgivings, no sheepishness, but maybe some sheep, and maybe for dinner . . . mmm, haggis (?!). Research, plan, prepare, go, enjoy, and remember. And be grateful for the chance. And remember, the best laid schemes . . .

Five Scottish regional destinations for a 2-week visit, clockwise order from the south-west: Most preferred sights are listed for each area, though we may will not make it to all of them.

  1. Glasgow and environs (4 nights Glasgow) – Glasgow Botanic Gardens, Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Park, City Chambers, Glasgow Cathedral/Necropolis, a play, boat ride on the river Clyde; Cumbernauld (Outlander studios drive-by), Falkirk Wheel, Stirling Castle, Doune Castle (Monty Python, Castle Leoch), Wallace Monument
  2. The Trossachs, Argyll, and Central Highlands – Loch Lomond (and maybe Loch Katrine) in Trossachs National Park; Loch Awe, Inveraray Castle; Glencoe
  3. The Great Glen, Highlands, and west coast (2 nights Fort William) – Fort William, Glenfinnan Monument (Jacobite Rebellion launch), Jacobite Steam Train to Mallaig, lochs and walks in the Great Glen; Eilean Donan Castle
  4. Inverness and environs (3 nights Inverness) – Inverness Visitors Centre, excursions to Foyers Falls, Loch Ness and Urquhart Castle (maybe a boat ride), Cawdor Castle (Macbeth), Culloden Moor (Jacobite Rebellion), Clava Cairns (standing stones with split rock), Cromarty, Black Isle, Moray Firth
  5. Edinburgh and environs (4-5 nights Edinburgh) – Edinburgh Castle, National Museum of Scotland, Palace of Holyroodhouse, Calton Hill, The Royal Mile main street, which includes Writers’ Museum, Greyfriars Kirk (“Bobby” the Westie), St. Giles’ Cathedral, Scott Monument, and more; Southern Uplands including Rosslyn Chapel and maybe Abbotsford House (Sir Walter Scott) and Melrose Abbey
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Glencoe & the West Highland Way. Image by ScotlandNow, The Daily Record online

The above sites are separate from several specific towns and rural locations where the Outlander TV series has been filmed. After some consideration, I’m inclined to skip a packaged Outlander tour in favor of making our own. I know enough about the books, TV series, and show creators that information won’t be lacking, and we need not be further restricted in our movements or schedule.

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Eilean Donan Castle, W. Highlands. Image by ScotlandNow, The Daily Record online

Outlander-related locations, many of which we can catch en route to others, include (my preferences in bold):

  1. Culross, Fife, between Edinburgh and Stirling (Crainsmuir, the Black Kirk)
  2. Falkland, Fife, with the Covenanter Hotel (Mrs. Baird’s B&B, 1940s Inverness)
  3. Pollok Country Park, Glasgow (Castle Leoch grounds, Paris woods duel)
  4. George Square, Glasgow (Frank’s wedding proposal to Claire)
  5. Highland Folk Museum, Newtonmore, Highlands (wool waulking, rent collection)
  6. Loch Rannoch/Rannoch Moor near Glencoe (backdrop for Craig Na Dun)
  7. Tulloch Ghru, Highlands, near Cairngorms National Park (opening credits and hilly woods between Craigh Na Dun and Leoch)

Those near Edinburgh are:

  1. Blackness Castle, on Firth of Forth (Randall’s Fort William, of Jamie’s flogging)
  2. Linlithgow Palace, West Lothian (Wentworth Prison exterior, corridors, eps 115-116)
  3. Hopetoun House, West Lothian (Sandringham’s stately home in ep109)
  4. Glencorse Old Kirk, Glencorse House grounds, Pentland Hills, Midlothian (Jamie and Claire’s wedding, ep107)
  5. Midhope Castle/House, a private residence, Abercorn, Hopetoun estate, South Queensferry (Lallybroch)

I’d also like to visit the Southwest/Borders region closest to England–including Caerlaverock Castle and Caerlaverock Wildfowl and Wetlands Centre, Dumfries, and Robert Burns sights–as well as the Isle of Skye, but there won’t be time. At some point, we’ll need to sample the peaty whiskey (whisky) among the many distilleries.

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Caerlaverock Castle, Borders/Southwest. Image by ScotlandNow, The Daily Record

Life is large and detailed, as is the world. I relish details, the worlds within worlds on this planet. I like to get lost in them, as must be obvious by now from my blog. For two weeks, we’ll get lost, and be found driving on the wrong side of a single-track road along a beautiful loch in the Highlands of Scotland. Details.

Five-Phrase Friday (37): No “Callow” Craft

After a two-week hiatus from Friday phrases, I’ve decided to round off the series at 40. It’s time to move on to new ventures with my blog.

I’m using this post to set up my next in-depth review of Outlander STARZ season two, which will zoom in on British actor Simon Callow’s masterful development and portrayal of the Duke of Sandringham, especially in episode 202. (See Simon Callow’s performance credits here.) I first forecast this closer look–it’s coming, I swear!–in my review of episodes 201 and 202.

The quality of Simon Callow’s work greatly dwarfs (nod to his joke in ep204) his place in the credits list and the amount of time his performances air. Along with his writers, he deserves more attention.

Observing the nuances re-shaping the character from the book Dragonfly in Amber to its TV show adaptation via season two (and from the novel Outlander to season one, for that matter), I’ve chosen five phrases among the many I feel define the Duke of Sandringham as played by Callow. I’ll discuss their meaning and that engrossing ep202 final scene in the full review.

1. Untouchable serpentine “gentleman” (wily with impunity)

2. Hypocritical, dissembling opportunist (he accuses Claire of this motive)

3. Stab-and-twist provocateur (Voo-doo practitioner?)

4. Charming, witty, self-serving chameleon (i.e., the Devil incarnate)

5. Malevolent jester mastermind (like the “fool” Feste in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, sans truthfulness . . . and benevolence)

Outlander_S2_Sandringham_a_bit_harsh_ep202

Simon Callow with Caitriona Balfe (Claire Fraser). Ep202, “Not in Scotland Anymore,” Gif clip credit: Outlander STARZ, Sony Pictures Television.

Far from being pure insults, these descriptors praise Callow’s crafting of a juicy, layered (onion) villain to rival Tobias Menzies’ Black Jack Randall. And if the show stays true to the book for the Sandringham character arc–and I do hope it does–there is more pungent peeling to come.

“If that’s an apology, and I do hope it is, I accept with all good grace.”

Yes. Yes, Your Grace, it will be quite the apology. You’ll see I have become an unapologetic Callow-Sandringham apologist.

Stay tuned.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend, America. Episode 208 airs tomorrow at 9pm on STARZ.

Five-Phrase Friday (36): Comic Relief in Outlander STARZ Ep201

I’m working up to a Season 2 multi-episode review of the Outlander STARZ TV show, probably covering episodes 201-205. Until then, a dollop of some of my initial thoughts.

Outlander STARZ Season 2 premiere, you know . . . that gut-wrenchingly sad one? Well, it still managed to bring me some much-needed comic relief towards the end.

Here are my choices for the top five (out of a grand total of maybe 7?) laughs in episode 201, the funniest moments that actually elicited laughter.

Laughs in Ep201 – from the 45-minute mark transition forward, all in the 1700s setting:

Laugh #1 – Murtagh’s “frogs” comment (Thank God for Murtagh!) when the Frasers land at Le Havre, France

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later in Paris:

Although the line featured in the next gif is funny, I didn’t laugh out loud until Jared replied. . . .

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Laugh #2 – . . . when Jared convinces Jamie to take on the wine business: “I’ve seen you drink. You’ll do fine.”

Laugh #3 – when Jamie boosts the cut he’ll take from Jared’s business to “thirty . . . five” percent from Jared’s proposed low balling

Laugh #4 – Jared then repeats with another smile in response to the counter-offer: “You’ll do fine.”

earlier at Le Havre:

Laugh #5 – when Jamie tells Claire, “Life with you is certainly never dull, Sassenach,” after she has caused the destruction of Le Comte St. Germain’s ship full of wine, and they’ve made a new enemy in him

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Clearly, what joy there is this season all belongs to the eighteenth century.

Kudos to the series writers for these laughs, other comedic lines, and many wonderful moments in Season 2 so far.

Stay tuned for more Outlander STARZ Season 2 reactions–the laughter, the tears, the shock and awe, the hot flashes (as always), and more!

Tune into Outlander Season 2, episode 5, this Saturday on STARZ at 9pm ET. #ViveLesFrasers

Five-Phrase Friday (35): Satirist Koch

After perusing my tattered because well-loved go-to resource for poetry, The Norton Anthology of Poetry, 4th Edition, and considering many candidates for a final National Poetry Month set of phrases, I decided on a sample from Ohio-born poet Kenneth Koch (1925-2002).

His work is often funny, satirical, off beat, and tongue in cheek. The sample I’ve chosen shares these qualities through Koch’s use and discussion of the nature of language.

As a famed member of the informal collective known as The New York School of poets (1960s), Koch published numerous anthologies and other works. The article “A Brief Guide to the New York School” at Poets.org summarizes their style:

Heavily influenced by surrealism and modernism, the poetry of the New York School was serious but also ironic, and incorporated an urban sensibility into much of the work.

Kenneth Koch’s grammatical poem “Permanently” sounds a bit like a Mad Libs story, with some blanks filled in, others waiting to be. At the same time, there’s a deliberate mismatch between parts of speech and their labels–for instance, “Adjective” and “Sentence” each represent a noun in grammatical context.

In this sense, Koch’s piece could be seen as a parody of the formulaic, color-by-numbers travesty of linguistic creativity that is the Mad Libs word game, as if it’s a cheap thrill at the expense of the English language. My words, not his. Not that I actually hold that opinion (I refrain from deciding today), but Koch may have viewed things in similar terms.

Here are five lines from the middle of the poem “Permanently” by Kenneth Koch:

Each Sentence says one thing--for example, "Although it was a dark
     rainy day when the Adjective walked by, I shall remember the pure
     and sweet expression on her face until the day I perish from the
     green effective earth."
Or, "Will you please close the window, Andrew?"

Satire, whether in art or writing, uses the tools of parody, irony, randomness, nonsense, odd juxtapositions, and other devices to create absurdities that mock and criticize, as a way of dethroning the powerful, rooting out hypocrites, and exposing the flaws of its targets.

Note the irony of the statement before the excerpt’s first example, given the complexity of that example. Also ironically, the poem has no obvious adverbs, though its title is one.

What other satirical tools do you see at work in the sample?

The poem has a more serious ending, turning to love, and the whole is well worth the read.

Among those collections that house the full poem “Permanently,” Permanently, Tiber Press, 1960, must surely be one. However, Amazon.com lists the book as currently out of print with limited availability.

Fear not! Kenneth Koch’s books are also available from Amazon.com and other booksellers. To find a free print copy of the book Permanently, borrow one from a library near you, perhaps using WorldCat. According to their About page, it’s “the world’s largest network of library content and services.”

To learn more about Kenneth Koch and other New York School poets, visit these dedicated poetry resources.

Poets.org / The Academy of American Poets’ Kenneth Koch profile page

The slightly longer bio at The Poetry Foundation page on Kenneth Koch

Note: Koch’s Wikipedia page is annotated as flawed, and I often find sites like Poemhunter, Poetrysoup, and other unofficial databases to be half baked and unreliable. I never direct my students to these less reputable resources, though I’ll use them in a pinch to get a gist.


Final thought: Check out the pictures from his later years; Kenneth Koch looks remarkably similar to Bernie Sanders, don’t you think? Very different New York “schools” . . . . Koch would have had a field day with today’s presidential candidates.

Five-Phrase Friday (34): Earth Day, Every Day

So did you carry around a poem in your pocket all day yesterday and share it with others? Wonderful! I didn’t, but I did present my own poem for review at my writers group.

For this blog’s “Wild Verses: Bits of Nature Poetry” series last summer, showcasing excerpts of my original work, I shared two bits of the poem “If I Had Known” in the first and the seventh post out of ten.

For Earth Day, enjoy five more lines from “If I Had Known” that focus on the predator-prey relationships of wildlife:

that kills can be as bold as water-cat jaguar

spiking alligator-cousin caiman, skull to brain,

with fangs longer than the face seems to fit, 

and

that fauna form peculiar teams, mixing . . .  

in mutual defense and pack-style attack

copyright C. L. Tangenberg


Here, kitty, kitty . . .

jaguar

Photobucket.com stock image